Girls Weekend: Good for Heart & Soul... and laughs

This weekend I’m going away with three of my best girlfriends.  We are celebrating the fact that forty is upon us and an amazing friendship still exists between us.  Rather than rue the day we turned 40, we are relishing the excuse to get away, to catch up and reconnect.  We will travel from New York, New Jersey, Boston and Atlanta for 72 hours in Florida where we will surely laugh a lot, possibly cry a little and most certainly realize how lucky we are for the friendship we have.  As I embark on this journey, I can’t help but recall my musings of a brief girls getaway last year – 36 hours in Newport with a different group of gal pals which reminded me that…

1. Only your girlfriends will tell you that you need to lose the Mom jeans.  Or khaki pants.  Or sensible shoes.  Maybe not all the time, but certainly some of the time.  Your girlfriends will remind you of your life pre-kids and reassure you that you are just as cute/smart/great now as you were back then -- and, that you should at least occasionally dress that way!  They will also help you find the right jeans and, having suffered through the hunt, will wisely tell you that when you find the magic pair, you should buy two of them.  Listen to this advice. 
2. Your girlfriends will make you realize how much you've changed.  For the better.  Sure you may now have saggy boobs, a few gray hairs and a mid-section best not exposed but you have gained the wisdom of years and a newfound confidence that perhaps was missing in your younger days.  Perhaps you've advanced your career or left it behind for the full time job called motherhood.  Either way, you believe the decisions you've made are the right ones.  And that deserves a pat on the back -- a pat that your girlfriends are all too willing to give.
3. Your girlfriends make you realize that your problems are, for the most part, universal.  Everyone occasionally struggles with their kids, their husband, their finances, even their sex life. Who wouldn't as the years pass by, the babies arrive, the sleep disappears and the daily responsibilities grow?  The days may be long but the years go by quickly; enduring friendships are a great way to commiserate about the challenges you face now -- and the ones you faced before and now can laugh about -- which leads me to...
4. Girlfriends are great to laugh with.  And be silly with.  And just be yourself with.  They accept you for who you really are and love you for the person you are today -- even as they laugh aloud at the person you were back in the day.  The one in the daisy dress, drunk as a loon, dancing like a rockstar.  Or, perhaps more like Elaine on Seinfeld.  They don't care.  They love you for you and you love them back.  Even when they are laughing at you.  Or with you.  It really doesn't matter; either way, they are there for you now, were there for you then and will be there for you tomorrow.
5. A getaway with girlfriends is like a "get out of jail free card."  I don't mean to imply that the “Lyons Den” or motherhood in general is a jail but rather, that a brief getaway provides joy-filled freedom to have a break from it all – all the laundry, all the cooking, all the cleaning up and all the obligations of our busy, grown up lives. 

 

I truly believe that girlfriends, and girl’s weekends, are good for the soul.  In a brief exchange with one of my pals on the way to the airport, I mentioned that I forgot to pack sunblock.  Without hesitation she responded, “I’ve got you covered.” I had to smile as I responded, “You always have.”  After all, that’s what friends are for.

Tuesday Tip: How to get away with the gals

Maybe it's because I'm turning forty this year. Or perhaps I just need a change of scene after spending far too much time potty training triplets and entertaining the never-ending requests of their big brother and sister.  Whatever the reason, I've got girls weekends on my mind and every intention of getting away with the gals for more than the 36 hours in Newport I so thoroughly enjoyed this spring.

When I mention my getaway goals, people look at me like I'm crazy.  "Really?" they say with a look of utter disbelief.  "With ALL of those kids you're REALLY going to go away with the girls."  My answer?  Yes. Absolutely. Definitively. No doubt in my mind.  Where to?  I'm not sure yet... there's been talk of Paris with my sister and the Bahamas with some of my best friends from high school.  If all else fails, there's always the promise of a weekend in the city... beggars can't be choosers! How will I do it?  Well, simply put, I will pack my bag and go.  But, since nothing is ever simple when you're the Mom (it doesn't matter if you have one kid or five, it's not simple!), here are a few guidelines.


1.  Give yourself permission to go.  Think about it.  Who contained a human (or two or three) in their belly for nine months?  Who fed that tiny human from her breast?  Who typically bears the brunt of the care, feeding, shopping and laundry for these little beings?  You do.  And who do you to turn to to bitch, moan, laugh, commiserate, empathize and ask for help?  Your girlfriends.  They have always been there for you and you deserve to go have some fun.  Giving yourself the permission to do so is the first step.
2.  Accept that while your way may be the "right" way, it is not the only way.  Put another way, trust that your husband will care for your offspring and have faith that you will return from your brief sojourn to find them all alive.  They may be wearing dirty clothes or backward onesies (the children, hopefully not your husband!).  They may be overtired or underfed or overwhelmed or watching Underdog. But they will be fine. Letting go of your worries is the next step toward your well-deserved girl time.
3.  Know that you will be be a better Mom and wife when you return. It's trite but true, absence really does make the heart grow fonder.  While I enjoyed every moment of my brief Girls Weekend in Newport, I was SO happy to get home.  I cherished my girl time -- the freedom to get a pedicure, do a bit of shopping, linger over dinner, have that one last drink and gossip for hours over coffee.  It was a true gift to reconnect with my girlfriends but it left me with gifts of another sort... a newfound appreciation for my husband (even if the laundry had piled up!), a renewed adoration for my children (boogie kisses and all!) and the comfort in knowing that the challenges we face are universal (money, sex, work-life balance, aging parents and so on!) 

Once you've made up your mind to go, you may want to create a mealplan, call in the grandparents and arrange a few playdates.  After that, it's officially time to pack your bag and go.  Trust me, if I can do it you can too and, I can assure you you'll be glad that you did!

Girls Rule: 5 reasons why we all need a girls weekend

Last weekend I had the good fortune to get away with four great girlfriends.  While I was only away from home for 36 hours (and I spent six of them in the car!), I returned feeling refreshed, recharged and reminded of just how lucky I am to call these amazing women friends. The last time we all went away, two of us were pregnant for the very first time.  While the rest of the gang partied it up, we went home early and whispered in the dark about belly butters and the awe (and horror!) of pregnancy.  Now, with our babies born and our lives forever changed, it was a true treat to reconnect, decompress and yes, even relax for a short while as we left our husbands, children, jobs and obligations behind for a brief time... time that was so well spent, we're convinced it should be an annual event.  Here's why:

1. Only your girlfriends will tell you that you need to lose the Mom jeans.  Or khaki pants.  Or sensible shoes.  Maybe not all the time, but certainly some of the time.  Your girlfriends will remind you of your life pre-kids and reassure you that you are just as cute/smart/great now as you were back then -- and, that you should at least occasionally dress that way!  They will also help you find the right jeans and, having suffered through the hunt, will wisely tell you that when you find the magic pair, you should buy two of them.  Listen to this advice.  It is good advice!
2. Your girlfriends will make you realize how much you've changed.  For the better.  Sure you may now have saggy boobs, a few gray hairs and a mid-section best not exposed but, you also have the wisdom of years and a new-found confidence that you may have lacked in your 20s.  You've advanced your career or perhaps left it behind for the full time job called motherhood.  Either way, you believe the decisions you've made are the right ones.  And that deserves a pat on the back -- a pat that your girlfriends are all too willing to give.
3. Your girlfriends make you realize that your problems are, for the most part, universal.  Everyone occasionally struggles with their kids, their husband, their finances, even their sex life. Who wouldn't as the years pass by, the babies arrive, the sleep disappears and the the daily responsibilities grow.  The days may be long but the years go by quickly; enduring friendships are a great way to commiserate about the the challenges you face now -- and the ones you faced before and now can laugh about... which leads me to...
4. Girlfriends are great to laugh with.  And be silly with.  And be yourself with.  They accept you for who you really are and love you for the person you are today -- even as they laugh out loud at the person you were back in the day.  The one in the daisy dress, drunk as a loon, dancing like a rockstar.  Or, perhaps more like Elaine on Seinfeld.  They don't care.  They love you for you and you love them back.  Even when they are laughing at you.  Or with you.  It really doesn't matter; either way, they are there for you now, were there for you then and will be there for you tomorrow.
5. A getaway with girlfriends is like a "get out of jail free card."  I don't mean to imply that the Lyons Den is a jail but rather that a brief getaway is a joy-filled freedom to have a break from it all -- no laundry, no dirty diapers, no cooking and no cleaning up.  To the contrary, a short escape with the girls provides he opportunity to do a bit of shopping (see #1!), maybe get a manicure, linger over coffee in your pjs and have that one last drink because you know the little people who typically wake you up at night are safely tucked in a few hours away. 

Girlfriends, and girls weekends, are good for the soul.  They are vital reminders that we are so much more than moms, wives and workers.  We are funny, we are fun and we deserve to have a good time every now and again.  Believe me, I have fun with my family.  In fact, we have a LOT of fun but, a weekend with the gals is good for everyone.  In addition to painted toes and some new clothes, I came home with renewed appreciation for my great husband and incredible kids.  I have my girlfriends to thank for that, and for so much more.  Including next year's getaway, which is already in the works!