My Favorite Things

As you know if you happen to be a regular reader (and by the way, thank you if you are a regular visitor here at the Lyons Den!), this week marked the one year anniversary of my brother-in-law Conor's death.  The memories of the horror of last year are so vivid, so visceral.  My heart starts racing when I think of Conor's suffering; my heart aches in the way that I miss him.  The loss is still so raw that the very sound of the music that gave him such joy now makes me nauseous.  He was a master of the jazz guitar and I've spent the last year avoiding it all costs.  I would turn off the radio and beg my husband Des to play something else; jazz music gave him great comfort but literally made me sick.  Until Wednesday.  July 13, 2011.  One year to the day that we lost Conor to heaven and, apparently also the day that I was able to open my heart back up to the music he loved.

It happened when I got back into the minivan (really, it is more of a Swagger Wagon, I swear!) after dropping the kids at camp.  Des had driven it the night before and left the radio on WGBO, our local jazz station -- one of the offenders that had frankly been pissing me off for the past year.  But on this morning, before I had the chance to hastily replace the mellow tones with something more upbeat, like Lady Gaga, for instance, something caught my ear.  Something familiar.  Something I liked.  Something that Conor liked.  Even loved.  It was John Coltrane's classic version of "My Favorite Things" which, for the record, happens to come from one of my favorite movies.  It's spectacular.  And I'm not just talking about "The Sound of Music" but the sound of the music from Coltrane. Check it out.

Awesome, right?  It got me thinking about my favorite things and how lucky I am to live this life and enjoy them.  It reminded me of how much Conor loved the life he lived, despite the fact that it was cut short.  It made me all the more grateful for sunny days, sweaty hugs, sloppy kisses and sweet dreams.  I think I still prefer today's Top 40 hits to the great jazz classics but thanks to the passing of time and Conor's passion for jazz, I now have the sound of his music back in my heart.  And, for the record, Conor will forever be one of my "favorite things."