Thursday, June 2, 2011

Tuesday Tip slides to Thursday as a lesson is learned. Again.

As you may know, I had surgery on Tuesday to repair an umbilical hernia -- just one of many minor malfunctions I now have as a result of having triplets.  Given that I spent much of Tuesday either under anesthesia or recovering from its effects, I was unable to post my typical Tuesday tip.  However, having spent the past few days in a semi-awake trance punctuated only by painkillers and kids wondering why they couldn't have an "uppie", I've had some time to reflect and rediscover a truly useful tip that I myself ignore all too often. Ready?  Here it is.


This is such a simple thing to do and yet something that I find truly difficult.  In fact, I so dislike asking for help that I told very few people that I was even having surgery.  My poor parents found out about ten days before; my sister heard the news from my parents; my boss got confirmation of the big event about a week prior and most of my friends found out on facebook; they didn't even know until after the deed was done.  Leading them all to ask, "are you crazy?!  Why don't you just ask for help?!" 

The honest answer, I suppose, is that I don't like to feel helpless.  To me, asking for help is somehow an admission of ineptitude.  Of tossing in the towel.  Of admitting defeat.  Of accepting the notion of "I can't".  Which is very hard for me to do given that I am hard-wired to think that I can.  Whatever it is, I think I can tackle it.  And often, I do.  This makes it even harder to ask for help and to realize that ultimately, asking for assistance -- and gracefully and gratefully -- receiving it, is by no means a sign of weakness.

What I've learned as I've reclined here relatively helpless for the past 48 hours is that asking for help is not a sign of defeat; rather, it is a wise, honorable, acceptable thing to do. I've learned once again that people are happy to help. I can't believe how quickly I forgot this all-important lesson since it was less than three years ago that neighbors, friends and family flocked to us and helped us survive those first crazy few months home with the triplets.  Now, they are here again.  They have offered playdates and carpools.  Dinners and diaper changing.  And I've said yes.  Hopefully, with both grace and graciousness!  And hopefully, this is a tip that I will remember to call upon time and again because, as one good friend recently reminded me, "Ker, you don't actually need to wait until you have major surgery to ask for help.  We'd be happy to help you anytime."  Now, that's what friends are for! 

No comments: