Tuesday Tip: Debunking the Mother's Day myth

Sometimes the best gifts come in hand-painted pots

I had a great day on Mother's Day.  In fact, in my seven years of motherhood, it was hands-down the best Mother's Day I've ever had.  Maybe it's because the sun was shining, it was unseasonably warm and we went to the beach -- one of my all-time favorite places.  Maybe it's because I went for a run with a good friend that morning and returned feeling energized and optimistic.  Or maybe, just maybe, it's because after several years of succumbing to the myth of Mother's Day, I've finally gotten wise to the commercial hype and colossal disappointments.  I've finally recognized that every day is Mother's Day and Moms really don't get a day off.  And, after seven years, I am finally ok with that.

Most moms don't get to sleep late, skip the laundry, overlook the dishes, or have three meals served up on a platter.  But, we do get incredible homemade cards and homegrown plants -- small seedlings in hand-painted pots designed by the same little hands that like to hold ours. These cards, plants and other pieces of handiwork are precious gifts, just like motherhood itself.  Sure it's messy, noisy, crazy, expensive, exhausting and at times, completely overwhelming.  That's why a one-day celebration could never do it justice.  After all, motherhood is a lifelong pursuit, an evolving practice, an enduring responsibility.  With that in mind, here are some tips to dispel the myth and embrace Mother's Day -- each and every day of the year. 

• Accept that every day is Mother’s Day. You can’t turn off your kids or roll over and make them go away. Trust me, I’ve tried. It doesn’t work. So, on Mother’s Day (and other days as well!), I think it’s best to recall what the point really is… which is not to escape from your children and responsibilities but to embrace them. To give thanks for the small things we take for granted -- like ten fingers and ten toes or sloppy wet kisses or someone small who wants nothing more than an “Uppie”. And, if someone else offers to bring you breakfast in bed, well, that’s ok too – just don’t count on it... and remember, that any given Sunday is a good excuse for someone else to brew the coffee! 
• Recognize that you deserve more than one day a year to relax. And, it’s up to you to make it happen. While I dream of long bubble baths with candlelight and a cup of tea (or better yet, a glass of wine!), it’s just not happening. If I were ever so lucky to find myself in a warm, sudsy tub, I’m sure I’d be joined by at least one small tot… or worse, one very large dog. So, I’ve found other ways to get in a bit of R&R on a regular basis -- a book club and occasional girls night out do the trick for me; they give me something to look forward to once or twice a month, rather than some mythical day off that only comes once a year.

This year, I didn't get to see my Mom -- you know why?  She was away with my Dad, enjoying one of their favorite places... a sunny beach.  As it turns out, the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree and, with my new, improved "myth-free Mother's Day" attitude, I'm looking forward to a "Girls Day" with my Mom in the next few weeks.  It will be our way to celebrate mothers, daughters, friendship and life -- and we have every intention of doing it several times before Mother's Day returns again.  Might I suggest that you do too?


 

Mom's Rule

Me and my awesome mom, who proved that she rules once again this week. Thanks Mom.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think “Wow, Moms rule.”  It first struck me about a year ago when I attended a local Mothers of Multiples meeting. I really didn’t want to go.  In fact, I’ve only made it to a handful of meetings in the past two years; my own hesitance aside, I’m sure that having five kids six and under probably has something to do with my poor attendance record. In any case, I was worn out from a long day at work and the typical chaos of our dinner and bedtime routine. I was wearing old leggings and a crappy t-shirt and would have been more content settling in for the night than driving twenty minutes away to mingle with a group of women who I barely knew and wasn’t sure if I’d have much more in common with than the admittedly bizarre fact that our uteruses (uteri?!) happened to host more than one baby at a time.

But, I figured, as I often do, nothing ventured, nothing gained. So, I slapped on some lipstick, threw on a cute pair of flats (courtesy of my sister, as with most cute things I own!), tossed on a sweater and headed out the door. And boy, am I ever glad I did. After just a few short hours with a bunch of women I hardly knew, my faith was affirmed once again: Moms Rule. 

Not just those “Moms of Multiples” who I had the pleasure of spending that evening with, but all Moms. We are united by far more than our expanding and contracting uteruses – or, for that matter, by our saggy boobs, baggy bellies and bags under our eyes. We are united in that we truly tend to be warm, welcoming people – whether it’s a knowing smile to a nervous expectant Mom or a reassuring hug before the school bus comes, we are wired to make those around us feel better. To feel confident. To know they can tackle the task at hand – whether it’s surviving the first year with a newborn (or two, or three!) or surviving the first day of school, we support everyone around us. We tend to be funny and real and often, the combination of the two is when we’re at our best.

We are the consummate multi-taskers – we buy groceries, cook meals, clean houses, change diapers, plan parties, organize play dates, pay bills, upload photos, plan vacations, write thank you notes and remember the in-law’s birthdays. We help with homework, do the laundry, kiss the boo-boos, cheer at soccer games, drive to ballet class and return library books. We wrap Christmas presents, make lunches, pack snacks, hand over hand-me-downs, organize closets, make doctor’s appointments, walk the dog, feed the cat, replace the goldfish,  water the plants and have been known to sport spit-up, snot or both as an accessory.

We pride ourselves and artfully juggle our roles as mothers, daughters, friends, sisters, neighbors and colleagues. We support each other, laugh together, cry together, bitch together and intuitively pick each other up just when we need it most. We do all this for one – or two, or three or four, or in my case, five reasons. We do all this because we love the little people that our oversized uterus delivered into this world; we do all this because we want them to have a happy childhood and we want the world they grow up in to be a better place. We want to inspire our children to make it a greater place. And we’re wise enough to know that we can’t do it alone. We need the help and support of other Moms and thankfully, we find that they are there for us just when we need them most. Just like our own Moms always were.  And thankfully, mine still is.  So, if you haven’t done so recently, take a moment to pass this on to the many Moms in your life and remind them of this simple truth: Moms Rule.  Happy Mother’s Day.

The Myth of Mother's Day

Long before we were married, Des forgot Valentine’s Day. I don’t know how he missed the hearts in the store windows, the repetitive diamond commercials or the red roses that beckoned on every Manhattan street corner but somehow, he did. When he arrived home to find me in a disgruntled and disappointed snit, he gave me a big hug and kiss and said “I’m so sorry but, with you, every day is Valentine’s Day.” Cheesy, right? But here’s the thing, I fell for it. Because it’s kinda true. Since then, we haven’t gone out on Valentine’s Day – which is not to say that we don’t celebrate it -- we most certainly do, but on our own terms. Rather than battle overcrowded restaurants with overpriced meals, we now put the kids to bed and enjoy a nice meal and bottle of wine at home. I daresay that Valentine’s Day 2008 just might be the cause of our identical triplets… which leads me to Mother’s Day.
I’m not sure why, but I consistently seem to fall for the Mother’s Day hype. I fell especially hard last year when we had five kids under five. People would stop me on the street to tell me how great my Mother’s Day was going to be. “This is your year” they said. “This Mother’s Day will be all about you.” “Don’t you dare lift a finger Dear, this is the one day a year that you get to relax.” I’m somewhat ashamed to admit that I fell victim to this flawed thinking on multiple fronts.

The reality is that last year was not “my” year and it was definitely not all about me. While I would have relished the opportunity to stay in bed until noon and not lift a finger as I’d been advised, I found that by 9AM, I had changed about ten diapers, done two loads of laundry, been spit up on three times and not yet had a cup of coffee. So much for the one day a year I was supposed to relax! I’d fallen hard for the Myth of Mother’s Day and as a result, I spent the day much like that Valentine’s Day long ago – disgruntled and disappointed – with an alarming dose of post-partum tears tossed in for good measure! I sadly succeeded in making that Mother’s Day miserable for myself but, much like that day when Cupid was a no-show, I learned a lot from what we now refer to as “The Mother’s Day Meltdown.”

1. Every day IS Mother’s Day. You can’t turn off your kids or roll over and make them go away. Trust me, I’ve tried. So, on Mother’s Day, it’s best to recall what I think the point actually may be – which isn’t to escape from your kids and responsibilities but to embrace them. To give thanks for the small things we take for granted like ten fingers and ten toes or sloppy wet kisses or someone who wants nothing more than an “Uppie”. And, if someone else does the dishes for you, well, that’s ok too.

2. Moms deserve more than one day a year to relax! And, it’s up to us to make the time to do so. While I dream of long bubble baths with candlelight and a cup of tea, it’s just not happening. Were I to get into the tub, I’m sure I’d be joined by some small tot… or worse, one large dog. So, I’ve found other ways to get in a bit of R&R on a regular basis… a book club and occasional girls night out do the trick for me and give me something to look forward to once or twice a month, rather than some supposed day off that only comes once a year.

3. This day, like most days, really isn’t all about me. What about my Mom? What an interesting dilemma this holiday presents when you become a mom yourself yet still have your own Mom to consider. On this day, like most days, I find it best to defer to Mom’s wishes. This is how I found myself on a Yankee Stadium tour with a two year old and a newborn a few years ago… it wouldn’t have been my top choice but, if you can’t indulge your own Mom on Mother’s Day, well, what’s the point?!

My Mom and I don’t always see eye to eye but I’m so grateful to her for so many things… especially for the ability to see the silver lining in almost any cloud. I guess you could say that thanks to my Mom, I truly believe that every day is Valentine’s Day and I’m proud to have reached the point in life where every day is Mother’s Day.

(This post originally appeared on http://www.parentask.com/ )