Tuesday Tip: Summer Roadtrip Survival Guide

When I mentioned to people that we were headed to Boston to visit friends for Memorial Day weekend, I was met with a consistent chorus of "All of you?!"  I'm not sure if the stunned responses were aimed at us for being brave enough to battle holiday weekend traffic with five kids in a minivan or our friends, for being brave enough to invite the Lyons Family Circus to town.  Again.

These are very very good friends.  We have been visiting them once or twice a year for as long as I can remember -- including those dicey days when we had five kids under five and would roll in with a car full of pack and plays, strollers, high chairs and, more often than not, at least one smelly child who had been sitting in his or her own stink (from either a diaper or projectile vomit or both) for hours in the aforementioned traffic. 

How do we do it?  Well, for starters, we've gotten pretty good at planning and packing -- and, we've learned over the years that rarely do we leave when we plan to, arrive when we hope to or survive any extended road trip without pulling over at least once for a roadside bathroom or vomit break. That's just the way we roll.  Here are a few tips to help you roll to wherever the road takes you in Summer 2012.

• Pack extra everything.  Or plan to do laundry. Or both.  Perhaps most of all, pack your sense of humor.  You'll need it when you're on the side of 95 with a crying kid peeing on your foot.  Or when the projectile vomit hits the back of your head. Or the bag of snacks in the backseat.  You get the idea. Family road trips aren't pretty but if you leave your sense of humor at home, they will be downright dismal!
•  Learn to tune them out.  By "them", I mean the kids in the backseat.  Whether you have one of them or five or more, they make a ton of noise.  Ours start to ask for a snack before we turn off our block.  Then it's on to a relentless cacophony of "Are we there yet?" "He's kicking my seat" "She's bothering me" "I have to pee." "I think someone farted.' "Are we there yet?" and so on.  We've discovered it can be really fun to taunt them the way they taunt you.  A few of our favorites are to:
• A. Put all the windows down when you're doing 65 on the highway so the wind literally knocks them silent or...
• B.  Blast your favorite classic car tunes (for me it's Don't Stop Believin' by Journey; for my husband it's anything Led Zeppelin) and sing along at the top of your lungs.  They will be momentarily stunned into silence upon realizing that you have a repertoire beyond "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star." You can and should use this to your advantage and feel free to keep it up until someone starts to cry - which in our experience is typically well into the last refrain.
• Reset your expectations.  Remember when a bathroom break took five minutes?  Or when you'd stop for dinner and be back on the road in fifteen minutes?  Well, those days are gone.  If you've ever hit a roadside rest stop with your tots in tow, you know that it takes longer and is a far more menacing place.  Everything is dirty and everyone is a stranger-danger.  You will hold your kids close, your Purell closer and wonder how you lost a half hour of your life in a filthy bathroom. And you may only be a few minutes away from home!

So, it may take longer and there's no doubt that it's messier but, if life is all about the journey, I say go for it and enjoy the ride!  Happy travels! 

Car sick kid + violent storms = Road trip from hell!

I have to thank our neighbor for coining the term "rolling vomitorium."  This is what our minvan (a.k.a. "Swagger Wagon") turned into last Friday afternoon as we traveled to Long Island to spend the weekend with my aunt.  


We got off to a pretty good start.  We were able to leave work a few hours early and had the car packed and ready to roll at 3:00.  By the time we cruised around town borrowing pack & plays, gassing up and stopping for iced coffee, it was closer to 3:30 by the time we actually left.  About two minutes later, the skies opened up, the thunder boomed and the lightening started a stellar performance that would last for hours.  As the weather roared outside, the kids roared inside. "I want a snack! I want a drink! Can we watch a movie? He's kicking me! She pinched me!  Why can't I have a snack?  How long does it take to get there?!" Mind you, this all erupted before we even hit the highway so I should have known it was going to be a long trip.


Our first snafu?  A certain young man who obviously disregarded his mother's strong urging to pee before we left the house.  As we crawled along in the Friday traffic, slowly navigating the flooded roads, poor Liam started squirming in the third row... "I REALLY have to go!" he pleaded with such urgency there were tears in his eyes.  Unfortunately, we were on a highway with no rest stops and not even a shoulder to safely and sneakily pee upon.  Additionally, he was so crammed in the back that exiting the car required climbing over one pack & play, one large dog and his sister.  Since it seemed to be a legitimate emergency and the notion of spending the next few hours in a car full of urine was unappealing, we risked life and limb to let the little man out to relieve himself.  We got back in the car soaked by the rain but, figured it beat being soaked in pee and away we went! 


Shortly thereafter, the fun really started.  Declan was sitting behind the driver's seat in the car seat previously known as the "Barf Chair."  We'd gone through a period last summer when whatever kid sat there inevitably hurled.  We thought we'd fixed that problem by adjusting the seat.  We thought wrong.  "I'm not feeling very well," Declan announced in a matter of fact manner.  Then his sweet face turned from rosy pink to ghostly white to a frightening shade of grey/green.  Then he threw up what appeared to be about ten pounds of watermelon.  Pink fruit-strewn stinky barf was all over him, all over that car seat and, ready for this?  All over our DOG!  Poor Finnegan gave me a look as if to say "Really?  First you jam me in this car between kids and pack & plays and bags and now this?!"  


Our next move was pulling over for the second time to strip Declan down, clean out the seat and do our best to remove the watermelon chunks from Finny's fur.  This was no easy task on the side of the LIE with the rain pouring down and the lightening continuing its show -- especially since when I opened the trunk, I was nearly killed by the bags that tumbled out, bouncing off my head on the way to the ground.  Not good.  On the upside though, we were prepared -- a quick change of clothes, a swift cleansing with wipes and a hearty dose of Purell and we were on our way once more.


Until he threw up again.  On Finny.  Again.  This time we had the good fortune to pull over under a bridge so at least we weren't pummeled by the rain as we stripped the kid down.  This time I could feel the eyes of onlookers as they crawled by in the miserable rush hour traffic.  I suspect the other Swagger Wagon drivers understood; they had a sense of "been there, done that."  The swank sports cars seemed to scoff, as if to suggest "I would never allow that to happen is this sleek performance machine!"  And then there were the sympathetic old folks in oversized sedans, one of whom actually pulled over to say "is everything ok?  I saw the naked baby on the side of the road and was worried."  Well, kind sir, thank you.  To tell you the truth, we were worried too but, once again, all's well that ends well.  


We put Declan in his PJs, put on a movie, passed out some pretzels and continued on our journey.  As the kids laughed at something clever from the Clifford video, Des and I laughed in the front seat... we knew we had hours to go, the car smelled like puke and the dog looked like hell but really, what else could we do?  Our traveling family circus keeps us entertained in all kinds of weather and when we woke up to a blue sky and bright sun the next morning, we knew it was well worth the trip. Even if it was the trip from hell! 

Tuesday Tip: Getting out of the house in 30 minutes or less

Whenever I’m out and about with our brood, people can’t help but ask “how do you do it?!” While I often interpret the question as one that relates to our daily struggles and working mom juggles, I realized once again this weekend that sometimes what people really mean is “how do you ever even get out of your house with all those kids?!” The answer, of course, is that it's not easy but since I'm not a sit at home type of a gal, I've developed a routine that more often than not gets us out of the house in 30 minutes or less. Here's my little cheat sheet...

1. Keep the diaper bag stocked.  As my kids have gotten older, the stock has changed.  Baby formula and extra bottles have been replaced by crayons and coloring books. Diaperes and wipes remain a constant, as do sippy cups, water bottles, a ziploc bag of snacks and depending on the season, sunblock and/or hats. I do my best to restock the bag when we return home and I keep it by the front door so we're always ready to roll.
2. Keep extra essentials in the car -- this way if your diaper bag gets depleted, you won't be caught empty-handed.  A few supplies always on-hand in our "Swagger Wagon" include wipes, Purell, sunblock, paper towels, tissues and snacks that stand the test of time and extreme temperatures... not that I've sampled them myself but the kids never seem to complain when I uncover a hidden bag of Goldfish or a surprise cereal bar.  Plastic baggies are also good to have handy... as a recent weekend roadtrip reminded me, they are perfect for containing the after effects of any accidents that may occur en route!
3.  Go to the bathroom before you leave the house! The natural extension of this time-proven rule of the road is to change your little one's diaper (or in my case, diapers!) just before departure.  As you likely know, as soon as you do, they will fill it up with the nastiest of poops, causing you to rinse and repeat but still, better to get it out of the way before you're underway! This is one that your mother always told you and once again, she was right!
4. Have a plan.  My husband thinks I'm crazy but while we're having breakfast on Sunday morning, I'm already thinking of where we're going after church and what we need to bring.  If we're headed to the pool, I'm creating a mental checklist that includes towels, swimmies and juice boxes.  If it's out to lunch, I'm checking that bag by the door for extra crayons and tossing in a few Legos to keep the little ones occupied.  The point is, if you start to think about where you're headed with plenty of time to spare, once it's time to actually get going, you'll be halfway out the door while your husband is asking if he needs to bring his swimsuit.   To which you can happily reply, "Got it, hon!  Get in the car, we're ready to roll!" 
5. Avoid laces at all costs.  With five kids to hustle out of the house, I've learned the hard way that shoelaces are not my friend.  In the summer months, Crocs and flip flops reign supreme while in the winter months it' all about velcro on the sneakers and slip-ons in the way of cozy boots and Merrells.  Am I bummed out that my first grader still can't tie his shoes?  Sure I am.  But, can I swiftly and adeptly get my clan in the car in thirty minutes or less?  You betcha!

Have some tips of your own?  Let me know!  In the meantime, hope these hints help you get your tykes out the door and on your way, with plenty of time to enjoy the day!