Gripes & Grins: an honest account of raising identical triplets... and 2 more

People have a lot to say about motherhood, especially when you're the Mom of five kids six and under, including identical triplets.   The commentary I receive runs the gamut from the obvious (“Are they triplets?!”) to the intrusive (“Was it IVF?”) to the complimentary (“You deserve a LOT of credit!”).  My responses tend to be "Yes" (even though I'd sometimes prefer to say "No, they're cute clones I got on sale at Target!"), "No" (although really it's none of your business!), and "Why?"  Why do I deserve any more credit than any other Mom?  Did I miss the memo where I had a choice to opt out of fulfilling the basic needs of our children?  I don’t think so. Actually, I think I'm just like most Moms in that I try my best every day and will candidly admit that some days are better than others!

Since I am often asked, I always tell people that the trials we face as parents are universal, as are the triumphs.  Whether you have one kid or five of them, you will inevitably be faced with the challenges of sleep deprivation, potty training and discipline and the rewards of those first steps, wet kisses and joyful leaps off the school bus at the end of the day.  There are general life experiences that unite us as parents yet as the years pass with our identical little boys, (who are now 2 ½), I can’t help but notice that there are a few things that actually do set us here at the Lyons Den apart from the rest of the herd.

For starters, there’s the undeniable fact that wherever we go, we always seem to draw a crowd; people are fascinated by our identical little fellas and delighted to ooh and aah over them as they pass by.  For a while, this was a neat little ego-boost; I couldn't help but get slightly caught up in the wonder and remarkable cuteness of these little people we created and thus far, seem to be successfully nurturing.  Yay us!  More recently however, the thrill has started to fade. Since it's rare that I'm out with only the triplets, I am increasingly sensitive to the impact the triplet adoration has on Liam and Ciara. They are often overlooked; at only six and four years old, the big brother and sister get very little of the glory although, they deserve a lot.

Liam and Ciara inherited a lot of responsibility and high expectations when Kevin, Declan and Cormac were born.  Ciara turned two just a few days before they arrived and Liam was not yet four; both were charged with holding bottles, fetching diapers and setting a good example from that day forward.  Though they are truly remarkable kids in their own right, they often go unnoticed while the adoring public fawns over their little brothers.  Truthfully, Liam and Ciara deserve medals for essentially serving as baby nurses for the past two years and I need to try harder to remember that it's not easy to have inherited a trio of identical tots to follow in your footsteps; this is one of my unique challenges as a parent.

Another unique challenge is specific to Kevin, Declan and Cormac.  Though they look exactly alike, I have to constantly remind myself (and others!) that they are not actually three of a kind but three individuals with their own personalities, preferences and, for better or worse, their own primary colors so everyone knows who’s who.  Kevin is “red”, Declan is “blue” and Cormac is “green”.  This color-coding system seemed like a really good way for family, friends and neighbors (and yes, even us in the beginning!) to tell them apart… unfortunately, since Declan has begun to introduce himself to folks as “Blue”, I think this clever tool has backfired but, once again, I was just trying my best.

I suppose that's the universal theme here.  As a new day and new week begins, I know will once again try my best.  I also know that there will be good days and bad days and highs and lows. I know I'll regret the mistakes I'll inevitably make (like last night, when I lost it after Declan peed in Liam's Croc!) and I'll relish the little moments that later turn into major memories (like yesterday morning, when we had them ALL in the tub, basking in bubbles and brimming with grins.)  While there are undoubtedly unique circumstances in raising all of our little "Cubs", we're really just like everyone else in that more often than not, we're just trying to make it through the day and make the most of it! 

What I did on my summer vacation

This entry is the perfect follow up to my earlier post "What I learned on my summer vacation."  I learned a lot and, all things considered, we did a lot.  I mentioned that we hit the beach and then hit our beds and while that's true, there were quite a few activities packed in to our amazing, sun-filled, work-free week on the Cape... and many of them were all time "firsts" for Kevin, Declan and Cormac, our 2 1/2 year old triplets.

One first: taking in the view after 1st "big boy pee on the beach"

There was their first boat ride, a seal-watching expedition that departed from Chatham and returned less than two hours later with our little crew wind-blown, awestruck and eager to go back for more.  If you're ever in the area and game for adventure, I'd recommend you take your crew to the sea with the amiable Captain at Beachcomber Seal Watching.  Bonus:  you take a trolley ride to the dock, which for our clan was almost as exciting as the boat ride itself!

There was also the first game of miniature golf for all five kids.  Believe me when I tell you that trekking 18 holes (mini or not!) with five "Cubs with Clubs" is not for the faint of heart!  Our little guys and gal were swinging with all their might, as if they had hockey sticks instead of golf clubs.  There was absolutely no regard for the basic rules of golf -- of which I know very little but, picking up the ball and dropping it in the hole just doesn't seem right.  In any case, fun was had by all, we escaped with minimal damage (to ourselves, others and the course itself) and I'd highly recommend Arnold's mini golf in Eastham -- which, as an added perk, also includes Arnold's Lobster and Clam Bar and apparently "world famous hot fudge" which we didn't have the chance to try given that it was 10AM but it sure did look good!

Five Cubs with Clubs practicing their swing

We also made our annual trek to the Beachcomber, a bit of a dive overlooking Cahoon Hollow Beach in Wellfleet, which is exceptional for several reasons -- the cliffs, the dunes, the waves and the rather notable fact that this is where Des and I got engaged -- exactly ten years ago in August of 2001.  It was after a few drinks at the Beachcomber that we went for a walk on the beach, Des popped the big question and we daydreamed about one day returning with our kids... though we certainly never imagined there would be five of them!

Our five tots at the spot we got engaged... and apparently not all that thrlled about it!

Given that we have some avid baseball fans in our family, we also took in a Cape Cod Summer League game where we rooted for the Orleans Firebirds or, according to the triplets, the "Yankees."  They think all baseball players are Yankees and sometimes refer to them as simply "Super Guys".  It is very very good to be a baseball player (of any stripe!) in the eyes of our 2 1/2 year olds.  They were enraptured by the players handing out raffle tickets but petrified of the team mascot -- a gravelly voiced "Firebird" that even I have to admit was a tad rough around the feathers!

Last but not least, we had our annual visit to Sundae School which, if you ask me, is where they have the best hot fudge, on the Cape or anywhere else... they also top their sundaes with real, homemade whipped cream and a real black cherry.   Yum.  I started going to Sundae School with my grandfather, Pop-Pop, when I was right around Liam and Ciara's age... and I would cry like bloody hell that I didn't want to go to Sunday school!  Until, of course, we arrived and I was treated to a treat so good that I still crave it and indulge in it annually.  YUM!

A sweet little lady who seems to enjoy ice cream as much as her Mom!

There were other spots we visited along the way that I'd recommend for any family that is Cape-bound toward East Orleans.  For a quick bite (though a long wait!), there's the always reliable, fun and very local Land Ho that has a great bowl of clam chowder; we had dinner here before watching the "Super Guys" play ball.  For pizza, eat-in or take-out, there's Zia Pizza, which is right on the way to or from Nauset Beach, our favorite spot... although, if you asked our little Kevin, he would likely tell you, as he told me that the bayside Skaket Beach "is a better beach for me."  As two year olds often are, he was right!

A happy boy who finally found the beach that's just right

While I returned from vacation as rested and relaxed as one could be from fitting all this in with five kids under six, I do have to admit that it was a bit of a relief to return to work on Monday, sit in a chair for a few hours and daydream about our next trip to the Cape, which can't come soon enough!

My happy place

Tuesday Tip: Surviving Summer's Last Hurrah

I sense that summer is coming to an end and I have mixed emotions about it.  On the one hand, day camp and swim team have ended, the kids are eternally "bored" and the heat and humidity have pretty much lost their charm. On the other hand, I really love the beach, the pool, our more relaxed summer routine and the longer days that allow me to cram more into my busy life. 


As you may know, last week we were on vacation; our annual trek to Cape Cod included building sand castles, collecting hermit crabs and eating lots of donuts, ice cream and pizza. It occurred to me while we were away that these last weeks of summer are a bit like the last days of disco -- reckless, carefree and full of overindulgence.  As we get back into the swing of things this week, I've created some Lyons Den ground rules for surviving these lingering summer days while maximizing the enjoyment they bring. 

1. Back to Basics:  Some simple rules that were suspended for summertime are now back in session.  Bedtime is at 8:00, reading time is mandatory and snack time has to include a "healthy" option -- some yogurt, a piece of fruit or maybe some cheese and crackers.  It's been grand playing with the kids long past their bedtime and looking the other way as they stuffed themselves with "fruit" snacks and chocolate chip granola bars but with the start of the school year a month away, now is the time to start the good, healthy habits that will start the year off right.
2. No More Nos:  I'm at the point where the shrill shriek of my own voice is annoying.  I'm sick of saying NO!  "No running in the house.  No biting. No, that poop did not "just fall out" on the floor!"  Ok, well, that last example may have been oversharing but sometimes potty training triplets has some nasty side effects.  In any case, I'm sure I'm not alone in the overuse of the "NO", especially as summer marches on and the kids seem ever more committed to push us to our limits.  But, with just a few weeks left, I'm doing my best to practice what parenting experts have been preaching for ages and turn these negatives into positives.  As in "Outside would be a great place to run if you want to!"  or "If you feel like biting, here's an apple!" (This is a great way to work in that aforementioned healthy snack!) and "That's great, I'm so glad you didn't poop in your pants!  Next time let's try to make it to the potty though, ok?"
3. Have fun. I literally wrote this down on our family calendar.  I also wrote down the bedtime reminders, snacking rules and a prompt to locate and read the library books that have gone MIA.  That said, summer isn't over yet and I'm all for sneaking in a few more ice pops, offering lemonade instead of milk with dinner and milking every ounce of enjoyment we can out of the summer of 2011 before it becomes a fond memory.

What I learned on my summer vacation

We just got back from a week on the Cape.  A lovely, sunny, laid back, relaxing week where we did little more than hit the beach and then hit our beds shortly thereafter.  It was awesome.  As you might have noticed if you're a regular reader, I totally unplugged.  I took my own advice and although it was tough the first few days, by mid-week I was blissfully free of my usual blogging, tweeting, and checking in (and checking people out!) on facebook. 

Now it's back to reality.  It's not yet dinnertime and I've unpacked everything, done about five loads of laundry and reorganized the basement; the basement really wasn't on the agenda for the day but, since I spent so much time down there with the laundry, I just couldn't stand tripping over the bins of hand-me-downs and had to do something about it.  As I reached the height of my organizational frenzy, Liam wandered down and asked me to play with him.  When I said I was busy, he whined "But Mom, why don't you ever play with me at home?!"  Which made me realize that I learned a lot over the course of our week away and first day home.

1. My kids like to play with me.  And I like to play with them too.  And I really need to do it more often, not just when we're on vacation.  While we were away, I made sand castles, went on walks (without my phone!), and totally tuned in to the five tots that I'm too often tuning out.  It's so easy to use the "busy" excuse but it's amazing how appreciative they are when I slow down, pay attention and really focus on these amazing little people we're so blessed to have.  There was one night when Ciara just wanted me to sit and snuggle and watch Peter Pan.  And I did.  And she was thrilled.  And so was I.  Let's face it, pretty much any kid activity (sand castles, coloring, bubbles, reading, you name it) is going to be more fun that whatever usually keeps me so busy (laundry, dishes, frantic organizing, email, etc!).  That's why I am going to try harder to actually play with my kids -- and ideally, do so with undivided attention as I keep my phone and email at bay!
2. I need at least eight hours of sleep. While we were away we were routinely in bed by ten or eleven o'clock and slept until the first tot toddled in -- usually between 7:30 and 8:30.  That's a LOT more sleep than the five or six hours I typically get and I have to say, I think I was more pleasant as result!  Of course, the blue skies, beautiful beaches and call of the ocean always perk me up but, I can honestly say that I drank less coffee, awoke less cranky and felt a whole lot better with a few extra hours of shut-eye.  I'm not quite sure how I'm going to maintain the eight-hour average as the responsibilities of home and work kick back into high gear but I'm going to try!
3. I like my husband.  A lot.  So often we just go through the motions, the "I love you" routinely muttered before we roll over and sack out, exhausted from the constant action here in the Lyons Den.  Vacation was, and always is, a great reminder that this guy I too often bombard with "to-dos" and "why didn't yous" is a great guy.  A guy I once swooned over and thought "this will be the father of my children."  A guy who is a great dad, who always knows the value of playtime and who has always encouraged me to get more sleep.  This is a guy worth listening to more often, who deserves more of my undivided attention and who proved once again while we were away that we make a great team.

It's not easy to load up five kids for a six hour ride, to load up three pack and plays and all our gear.  But, it's well worth it.  I learned more about my kids, my husband and myself in a week away than I do in a few months at home.  Just a simple break in the routine is all takes to bring us all closer together.  I'm going try hard to hold onto this loving feeling but know it's likely to fade, as it always does when the stress of our daily lives inevitably mounts.  When it does, I'm going to reread this post, take a look at this picture and remind myself of just how lucky I am.

Tuesday Tip: Take time to unplug

This week's tip comes a day early and I'm going to keep it short and sweet.  On the heels of last week's post about the many minor milestones of childhood, it occurred to me again how quickly the time passes.  It's amazing that in a matter of months, the newborn that was attached to your breast is suddenly nibbling on a grilled cheese.  Or that the one year old taking those tentative first steps is suddenly bolting down the street, full steam ahead. 


Full steam ahead.  That's the way our life flies by.  The days are often a blur of routine and accumulated exhaustion.  Our lives end up on a constant cycle of wash, rinse, repeat.  We do our best to savor the small moments, the everyday victories but too often, they pass us by in the controlled chaos that has become routine.  


This week, we're taking a break.  Some time off. It's been delicious so far, in more ways than one.  There were cupcakes for breakfast and sandy hands at lunch.  While I couldn't escape doing a bit of laundry, I resisted making the beds (no small feat for my control freak self!) and relished making sand castles.  There was an outdoor shower at the beach that may or may not have removed all the sunscreen, sand and salt water.  And that's ok.  


This week is for savoring our time together, for rediscovering the joy in our children and in our lives.  This week is for unplugging.  For taking a collective time out.  For letting email pile up and perhaps even the dishes too.  This week is for realizing just how lucky we are and appreciating the time we have together.  For this week, like life in general, is sure to fly by far too fast and I for one, want to enjoy every moment. 


That's why I'm going to be the first to follow this Tuesday Tip as I unplug, unwind and as the great song goes "love the ones I'm with!"   Be back next week, hopefully relaxed, recharged and ready to jump back into our fast-paced, full steam ahead lives.