Communion, cardboard and cake: A Mom's musings on First Holy Communion

I didn’t know what to expect when our firstborn made his First Holy Communion.  Of course I knew that he’d be accepting the Host, the body and blood of Christ, during mass that day but beyond that, there were a few unknowns.  How would he feel about it?  How would I feel about it? What, pray tell, do you get your seven year old son when he makes his First Communion?  And how in heaven’s name would I pull off the post-Communion party in the midst of traveling for work and juggling our busy lives?

The answers, it turns out, are simple.  As they often are.  How did our sweet Liam “feel” about his First Communion? “It tasted like cardboard.”  Can’t argue with that!  And, such is the level of emotion routinely revealed by your average second grade boy.  Why I continue to expect a response akin to “I’ve been spiritually renewed. I feel like a man now Ma”, I’ll never know!

As for my feelings, well, let’s just say the tear ducts got a good workout that day.  For starters, in looking at my “baby” in a navy suit, I realized that the kid he is today bears a strong resemblance to the man he will be tomorrow – not literally tomorrow but, one day in a future that I know will come far too fast. As he posed for pictures with his pals, all shined and scrubbed and full of anticipation in their matching pint-sized suits, I knew I was looking at the same group of guys that are likely to appear when he is confirmed, graduated, and married.  The spectrum of life’s milestones passed before me as the tears welled up in my eyes.  And that was all before he walked down the church aisle with a lovely little lady Communicant in a white dress.  It was before I sat in a pew, sandwiched between my parents and grandparents, with our three-year old triplets climbing in my lap thinking of how lucky we were to have four generations of O’Connor’s witnessing Liam’s special day.  And then he said “Amen”, accepted the Host for the first time and beamed me a great big grin that really got the tears flowing.  Tears of joy for my little boy.

As for the gift, well, the foreshadowing was in my husband’s remarks the day Liam was born: “He will be Catholic and he will be a Yankee fan.”  As such, it was only fitting that we gave him a beautiful Celtic cross, straight from one of the Irish shops on McLean Avenue in the Bronx AND tickets to a Yankee game… a game to be attended by just the three of us – Mom, Dad and Liam.  Needless to say, the kid was thrilled, “Just us?! Not the little guys?! Not Ciara? Awesome!”  Which is not to say that Liam doesn’t love his sister Ciara or the “little guys” (his triplet brothers, Kevin, Declan and Cormac) but his response really underscored how valuable the time we spend with him and him alone truly is.  More surprising though, was the fact that he actually liked his silver cross.  He really liked it!  He put it on right away and even asked if he could sleep in it…  suggesting, perhaps, he has greater emotional depth about this right of passage than “it tastes like cardboard.”

As for the party, it came together, as parties always do.  It was a family affair, low-key and intimate, as the best parties often are.  I wouldn’t necessarily have chosen to spend that Friday night ironing the tablecloth and prepping the salads but I’m glad I did.  I’m glad we did; my husband Des deserves at least as much credit as I do for the successful soiree we had.  It was as sweet and memorable as the cake that topped it off and the smile on Liam’s face as he dug in and remarked, “This is much better.  Not like cardboard at all!”

Tuesday Tip: Be a Little Sneaky (Sneaky Chef!)

I have a kid who tends to be a little sneaky.  He often has something he's hiding behind his back and has been been known to act a bit like "Swiper" (that sly fox we've come to know through Dora the Explorer) as he swipes toys from siblings and scurries away with them.

As a mom, I don't like sneaky behavior.  Not one little bit.  But, I have to admit to being a bit sneaky myself at times -- like after dark, when the preschool drawings make their way to the trash bin! Awful, I know... you've never done that, right?

Well, I know one Mom who has sassed up sneaky into nutritious and delicious recipes that even Swiper would enjoy.  Meet the Sneaky Chef.

Missy Chase Lapine has a new cookbook that celebrates sneaky as veggies, fruits and power foods (hello flaxseed!) make their way into muffins, macaroni and even meatballs! Do you have a picky eater?  Do your mealtime mantras include exasperated exclamations like "but you have to eat your vegetables!" or "Just try it!"  If so, this is a book full of solutions for you.

Our kids are pretty good about eating fruits and veggies (most of them, anyway!) but even so, I'm all for getting in more of the good stuff when I can and I've been inspired by Missy's nutritional advice and time-saving, kid-tested recipes.  Perhaps best of all, the book includes many great tips for getting food on the table fast-- from suggestions for pantry stocking to a go-to list for grocery shopping, there are practical tips for alleviating the daily stress associated answering that omnipresent question "Hey Ma, what's for dinner?!"  Or breakfast... or lunch... or a snack!  

I think perhaps Missy put it best when she mused "It's not just about saving time. It's also about making the moments your family sits around the table more meaningful."  Amen to that!  

To try a few Missy's recipes for yourself, check out  The Sneaky Chef... and tell her that Swiper sent you. ;)

Girls Weekend: Good for Heart & Soul... and laughs

This weekend I’m going away with three of my best girlfriends.  We are celebrating the fact that forty is upon us and an amazing friendship still exists between us.  Rather than rue the day we turned 40, we are relishing the excuse to get away, to catch up and reconnect.  We will travel from New York, New Jersey, Boston and Atlanta for 72 hours in Florida where we will surely laugh a lot, possibly cry a little and most certainly realize how lucky we are for the friendship we have.  As I embark on this journey, I can’t help but recall my musings of a brief girls getaway last year – 36 hours in Newport with a different group of gal pals which reminded me that…

1. Only your girlfriends will tell you that you need to lose the Mom jeans.  Or khaki pants.  Or sensible shoes.  Maybe not all the time, but certainly some of the time.  Your girlfriends will remind you of your life pre-kids and reassure you that you are just as cute/smart/great now as you were back then -- and, that you should at least occasionally dress that way!  They will also help you find the right jeans and, having suffered through the hunt, will wisely tell you that when you find the magic pair, you should buy two of them.  Listen to this advice. 
2. Your girlfriends will make you realize how much you've changed.  For the better.  Sure you may now have saggy boobs, a few gray hairs and a mid-section best not exposed but you have gained the wisdom of years and a newfound confidence that perhaps was missing in your younger days.  Perhaps you've advanced your career or left it behind for the full time job called motherhood.  Either way, you believe the decisions you've made are the right ones.  And that deserves a pat on the back -- a pat that your girlfriends are all too willing to give.
3. Your girlfriends make you realize that your problems are, for the most part, universal.  Everyone occasionally struggles with their kids, their husband, their finances, even their sex life. Who wouldn't as the years pass by, the babies arrive, the sleep disappears and the daily responsibilities grow?  The days may be long but the years go by quickly; enduring friendships are a great way to commiserate about the challenges you face now -- and the ones you faced before and now can laugh about -- which leads me to...
4. Girlfriends are great to laugh with.  And be silly with.  And just be yourself with.  They accept you for who you really are and love you for the person you are today -- even as they laugh aloud at the person you were back in the day.  The one in the daisy dress, drunk as a loon, dancing like a rockstar.  Or, perhaps more like Elaine on Seinfeld.  They don't care.  They love you for you and you love them back.  Even when they are laughing at you.  Or with you.  It really doesn't matter; either way, they are there for you now, were there for you then and will be there for you tomorrow.
5. A getaway with girlfriends is like a "get out of jail free card."  I don't mean to imply that the “Lyons Den” or motherhood in general is a jail but rather, that a brief getaway provides joy-filled freedom to have a break from it all – all the laundry, all the cooking, all the cleaning up and all the obligations of our busy, grown up lives. 

 

I truly believe that girlfriends, and girl’s weekends, are good for the soul.  In a brief exchange with one of my pals on the way to the airport, I mentioned that I forgot to pack sunblock.  Without hesitation she responded, “I’ve got you covered.” I had to smile as I responded, “You always have.”  After all, that’s what friends are for.

Tuesday Tip: Bringing Sexy Back

We have five children. The oldest is seven.  Clearly, we’ve had a fair amount of sex – although, perhaps not quite as much as you’d suspect given that A. I’m pretty much Fertile Myrtle and B. our last three came as a package deal. When identical triplets were revealed on an early sonogram, I nearly fell off the table.  And pretty much swore to never have sex again.

As they say, “never say never” but it took me a really long time to “get my sexy back.”  Truth be told, I’m not 100% sure it is back.  Or that I ever really had it at all.  I have curly hair, freckly skin and a big smile.  On a good day, I might be cute.  But sexy?  I’m not so sure.  Sexy women usually have sleek hair, smooth skin and a sultry stare.  Or maybe that’s just what the media would have us believe.  Maybe sexy really does come in all shapes and sizes.  And maybe, just maybe, cute is my kind of sexy. 

Knowing as I do from a whole lot of candid girl-talk, I’m not the only one who has struggled to “get my sexy back” after having children so, having been inspired by the good folks at ParentsConnect and, in the spirit of sharing, here are a few things that actually do make me feel sexy – in a confident, sassy, cute kind of a way.  And, a few that most definitely don’t.

·      Exercise.  If you ask me, looking good is all about feeling good and feeling good – physically and emotionally – is all about exercise.  If I feel fit and trim, I feel great, inside and out.  And if I’m feeling great, there’s a much better chance that I’ll be interested in getting some sexy on.  Let’s face it, no one feels good putting on their “Mom jeans”; we all have those days when nothing else will fit but, if you ask me, a good run or challenging yoga class is the perfect start to getting your sexy back and putting your Mom jeans away. Forever.

·      Shave your legs.  Frankly, nothing kills the mood more than your leg hair entangled with his. Need I say more?  I didn’t think so but, since I’m prone to ramble, I will add that moisturizer is a plus and, lest I put too fine a point on it, stubble is a real buzz kill in the sexy lane.

·      Wear nice underwear.  And be comfortable in it.  I had my days in thongs. Those days are gone.  Today a thong doesn’t make me feel sexy; it makes me feel fat and like I have a wedgie.  Push up bras don’t work either; they are an awkward, uncomfortable reminder that I have nothing to push up!  The moral of this underwear tale? Find what works for you -- what makes you feel good, comfortable, confident and yes, perhaps even sexy.  And then buy it, wear it and flaunt it.  While you're at it, throw away those super-sized granny panties you bought when you were pregnant. You’ll be glad you did.

·      Drink wine.  Ok, this may not be for everyone but it works for me.  One glass of wine relieves the tension of the day and creates possibilities for the night.  Of note, beer does not have the same effect for me; beer equals bloat and bloat tends to lead to the bathroom, not the bedroom. For the record, most cocktails are a no-go for me too.  Sure they are yummy but just one seductively delicious Cosmo and I am one drunk skunk.  Not so sexy. 

·      Sleep.  Being well rested is probably the ultimate tip for getting your sexy back… and, daily proof that I’m not quite there yet!  Many moms operate in a state of sleep deprivation for months, if not years.  Given the choice, I suspect many would choose sleep over sex in a heartbeat. Sleep is all powerful and, once you get enough of it, you will be too.  And that my friends is very sexy indeed. 

The Nields "Full Catastrophe" is parenting set to music. In a good way.

Love this album cover... just add three more pairs of tiny tot shoes and it could be the Lyons Den!

This week I am feeling lucky once again thanks to a sneak preview of The Nield’s new album, The Full Catastrophe.  The thirteen songs swing from soulful ballads to upbeat, catchy tunes as The Nield’s, led by the powerful vocals of Nerissa and Katryna, share the trials and tribulations of motherhood and parenting in general.  Listening to this album is like having your favorite mommy blogs set to music – great music with a hint of folk, a smidge of country twang and a whole lot of honesty in lyrics you can’t help but sing along to.

I have to say, they had me at song one.  “Ten Year Tin” hits close to home since my husband and I will celebrate our ten year anniversary this October.  There are parts of this song that I – and in fact, most of us – might have written ourselves… “Things do not always go according to our plans” for instance or “We’ll save up for a trip across the sea; leave the kids, it’ll be just you and me.”  Isn’t that we all think on the day we say “I do”?  We think we’ve got it all figured out; we think, as the title track notes, “When I met you, I thought the journey was over.”  But, as we all know in retrospect, the journey had only just begun – and, there is nothing like motherhood to remind you that things often don’t go according to plan! 

Our plan was to have two or three kids; we ended up with five thanks to #3 arriving as a trio of identical little fellas who will forever be our babies; our precious miracles who beat the odds and arrived at almost full term, in perfect health, and cute to boot!  When I look at our sweet angels snoozing in their cribs and then check in on their brother and sister down the hall, I have a burning desire to savor these times, to keep them close, keep them safe, keep the world at bay.  It is this emotion that comes through loud and clear in “Choose this Era” – yet another song on this album that comes from the heart and touches the heart.  “There’s danger in the paper, on the radio; I want to put my arms around you, will not let you go.”  What mom hasn’t felt this way?  I know I do.  Every day.

Last but not least, there is the fantastically funny last tune that you will play again and again.  It’s called “#1 Reason Parents are Cranky.”  Want to venture a guess?  Yep, you got it – they don’t get enough sleep!  It’s not the teething or the tantrums; it is the sleep deprivation that gets us every time.  I for one have long been advocating that the “world would be a better place if we all took naps and got eight hours of sleep!” 

Parenting just might be a “full catastrophe” but you’ll get through it with your toes tapping and fingers snapping if you let The Nield’s be your guide.  To buy their new album, visit:  http://bulletproofartists.com/onlinestore/index.cfm?fuseaction=product.display&Product_ID=209   You’ll be glad you did!