Tuesday Tip: Establishing (and keeping!) ground rules for kids

School’s out for summer and there has been an unauthorized, not so subtle shift of power here in the Lyons Den.  In the blink of an eye and a few hot, muggy days, the kids seem to be ruling the roost and I don't like it. Not one little bit.

There are shoes strewn across the living room, clothes all over the bedrooms, popsicle sticks on the porch and lollipop sticks on the dining room rug.  On the rug!  To make things worse, my demands to pick up and clean up either fall upon deaf ears or are met with some combination of "No.", "Not now Mom!" or perhaps most infuriatingly, "What?  What Mom? WHAT? Did you say something?"

Well kids, yes, I have something to say: I hope you enjoyed your brief reign of power because it is over. Over!  And how, you might wonder, do I plan to reign them in?  By putting them to work for me. By having them think about, articulate, write and enforce our house rules. That's my plan and here they are:  

To begin, I had a quiet, one on one meeting with our seven year old, the leader of the pack.  I had a few things in mind. For starters, I know I'm always more prone to remember things if I write them down so, I had him jot down our family rules after a nice, calm discussion about why they are so important to the happy, healthy functioning of our household.  And, knowing that our little ones think he walks on air (and, in fairness, they've been playing a really great ongoing game of "school" where he is the teacher), I decided that he would be the one to present the rules to rest of the kids. Truth be told, we did it together to ensure there wasn't an uprising and, it's really too soon to tell if this approach is working but I have to say, we're off to a good start.  I didn't trip over any wayward shoes or misplaced toys as I settled in to write this and that, my friends, is progress.  Should you wish to read the specifics of our rules or perhaps adopt a few as your own,please read on...

• No jumping on beds:  Well, if you ask the kids to help write the rules, it's no wonder this is at the top of this list. They hear it a lot. Especially since our three-year old triplets recently made the move from cribs to beds and have been unofficially dubbed the "mattress monkeys."  For the record, it is "jumping" not "juping" but again, if you ask the kids to write the rules, you have to expect a few spelling errors! 
• No balls in house:  Pretty self explanatory, right? This is another one they hear a lot and I'm hoping they finally start paying attention to!  
• Be a good listener:  This is perhaps my #1 gripe.  They just don't listen.  But, in fairness, they pointed out that I'm not such a great listener myself. Looks like we’ll be working together to improve our listening skills for the rest of the summer. 
• Put away your laundry.  They can do this.  At 3, 5 and 7 years old, they are well equipped to put their laundry in their drawers. It saves me time, gives them a sense of accomplishment and is good for all of us! 
• Make your bed every day. See above. This is an age-appropriate task they can all tackle.  Especially since the triplets’ “beds” are actually crib mattresses on the floor.   
• No yelling.  If you look closely, this might be read as “Mo” yelling but, that is most definitely not the intention. I suspect “no” yelling is going to be a tough one – especially since I was reminded that I am guilty of excessive yelling myself. One more area of improvement for all of us!
• No hurting others (including feelings).  This was born from the premise that “hands are not for hitting”, “teeth are not for biting”, etc.  But, I applaud our little ones for recognizing that words can hurt too -- and that it’s important to consider and respect other people’s feelings.  Gee, it seems like maybe they are listening… sometimes, anyway!  
• Eat your meals.  If your house is anything like ours, you’re familiar with the whole “am I finished yet?”/“do I have to eat that?” routine.  Our response is consistently “you are finished when your tummy is full and there is no food left on your plate” and “yes, you have to eat it. It’s what we’re serving for breakfast/lunch/dinner and there are no substitutes.” Which, I’m kind of glad to see translates to “eat your meals.” If I could add “without complaining”, I would but, beggars can’t be choosers! 
• Put your dishes in the dishwasher.  Ok, they don’t load the dishwasher like I do but, let’s face it, NO ONE loads the dishwasher like I do. I have to remind myself of that and just be grateful they are clearing their places!
•  Don’t ask for more.  This is apparently how they translated “be grateful for what you have.”  We talk a lot about gratitude – for the roof over heads, the food on our plate, our family, our friends and our health.  I hope that one day it sinks in a bit more deeply than “don’t ask for more” but for now, I’ll take it! 
• Say your Ps and Qs.  Or, put another way, “please” and “thank yous.”  As in, “Kids, if you will please pay attention to these rules, I will listen more, yell less and promise to thank you for making your bed, putting the laundry away, loading the dishwasher and more importantly, treating each other and all you meet with kindness and respect."  

What are your house rules?  I'd love know -- especially since I know this is an imperfect and incomplete list... like most parts of parenting, setting (and sticking to!) the rules is a work in progress! 

Tuesday Tip: Age appropriate chores for tots six and under

 

Last week my six year old, Liam, asked me what happened to his allowance... which prompted me to ask him what happened to making his bed and putting his dirty laundry in the basket!  In our house, an allowance has to be earned and, while our savvy six-year old is slowly but surely beginning to understand that if he wants a new Hexbug or more baseball cards, he needs to save up for them, everyone in our house understands the need to pitch in and pick up.  

I'm a strong believer that it's never too early to teach good habits and put the peanuts to work.  I suppose it's the way I was raised.  I remember making my bed every day before school and washing the dishes every night after dinner... yep, I'm that old.  We didn't even have a dishwasher.  Well, I suppose we did; it was me. In any case, I know I moaned and groaned about doing my chores just as my kids do today and generations of kids did long before me.  But, I think there's great merit to teaching kids to making a contribution in the home, now matter how small. I'd like to think that by creating responsible citizens here in the Lyons Den, I'm creating a mindset that will lead them on to be good world citizens, good corporate citizens and one day, instill the same morals and work ethic in their own offspring.  Gee, that sounds pretty grand for making a bed, doesn't it?!  

Keeping in mind that our triplets just turned three, Ciara just turned five and Liam is on the brink of seven, here are a few of their routine chores... that frankly, if they would do more routinely, they would get that allowance after all!

• Put dirty laundry in the hamper; this is one all five are capable of but, since I still pick up my husband's dirty socks, well, let's just say it's a work in progress!
• Set the table.While it wouldn't meet with the Miss Manners rules of etiquette, it gets done.  I may eat dinner with a cake fork and they might scoop it up with a soup spoon but still, it gets done!
• Clear the table. Liam and Ciara scrape their plates and put them in the dishwasher and the three little ones just put plates on the counter... typically dropping a few scraps for the (very happy) dog along the way!
• Make the bed.  The triplets are still in cribs (and I fear the day they get out) but Liam and Ciara are perfectly capable of making their beds... granted, not the way I would make them (even my husband struggles with the "hospital corners" that I was taught) but, they can pull up sheets, toss on the comforter and pile on the stuffed animals.  And that's good enough for now.  As an FYI, this doesn't typically happen in the Monday-Friday morning on mayhem but on weekends, it's a requirement. 
• "Carry in, Carry out."  The National Parks made it famous and I've made it my own.  This simple rule can relate to bookshelves, toy chests, the art box, the backyard, the front porch and even the mini-van.  You carry it in, you carry it out.  Or put another way, you take it out, you put it away... Legos, puzzles, Candy Land, Lite Brite, you name it.  All five kids understand this one.  It requires daily reminders but it's well worth the effort.  Even though there's almost always an errant Lego or Matchbox car that ends up under my bare foot eliciting a primal howl of pain, it still beats playing 52 pick up by myself late at night!

Beyond these basics, they also like to help with yard work which, depending on the season, may include watering plants, raking leaves or shoveling.  They aspire to help with laundry but for now seem to get more of a kick from playing in the laundry baskets.  They would love to "help" in the kitchen and when time permits, I let them... they can quickly unload a bag of groceries and Liam and Ciara have even been known to crack an egg now and again -- a source of great pride for them.  Which, at the end of the day, is another great lesson to be learned from a few simple chores -- taking pride in the work that you do, no matter how big or small.  And, if you can earn a few bucks doing it, well then that's all the better!